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To Scream or Not to Scream

What do you think about screaming moms? Don’t their voices send cold shivers down your spine? Guess what, I am one of them! I scream when I am tired, frustrated, and impatient. I just want my kids to be calm, obedient, and programmed like robots. I don’t want to be bothered with their sibling rivalries and constant demands. Lockdown intensified my screaming problem, which made me live with daily guilt feelings. I want to change. When frustrated, I want to react in a way that sets a positive example for my children. I tested positive for COVID 19 on my 43rd birthday. The only good thing about my testing positive for COVID 19 was that I took my screaming issue seriously, despite the pain and fatigue that gave me every excuse to blow it.

The first thing I learned was that, parenting is not about the kids. It’s about parents. My kids needed their mom to focus on herself not on them all of the time. Previously, I believed two dangerous lies about my parenting role:

  1. I believed that once I had kids, my life would be essentially over. It became all about the kids! This is not right. I cannot orbit my whole life around them. Doing so resulted in self-centered and irresponsible children who expected their demands to be met instantaneously. Yes, my kids are a huge part of my life, but they are not my whole life.
  1. I believed that I am responsible for my kids. Because of that, I lead an anxious life trying to make them behave, think, and feel the right way at all times. I also couldn’t fail in my new identity as a mom. The freeing lesson I learned was that I am not responsible for them nor for their choices. I am, however, responsible for my kids for the choices that I make. It’s not about what I do to my kids to make them behave, but rather how I want to behave. This is a more productive question because, even if they don’t want to behave, I am the only one I am in control of. I’m not in control of them!

“In raising my children, I have lost my mind but found my soul.” – Lisa T. Shepherd, Parent

Parenting is really about my personal growth! Tune in next week as I discuss how changing set behaviors is hard especially for grown-ups.

Betty Maamari

Betty is a mother of three children. Her eldest has Special Needs. His challenge with Autism changed her outlook on life. She left her work in business and dedicated her years to understanding her son's challenges and how to manage her home efficiently. She believed that change starts with oneself, so she worked on her grieving process and acceptance. Then she learned how to meet the needs of her husband and other children and see the blessings in their Autism journey. So she travelled and took certificates in "I Choose Us", and "Good Enough Parenting" to work on her marriage and parenting skills. Accordingly, she found healing and began advocating for her son and other special need parents. She created a Special Needs Ministry at her church and worked for years on creating events for families like her. Three years ago, Betty joined SKILD Center to start Parent 2 Parent Support Group and help mothers find a safe haven to share their pain and get help. She also helped in coordinating the Night to Shine event for three years now with the amazing SKILD team.

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