To Scream or Not to Scream
What do you think about screaming moms? Don’t their voices send cold shivers down your spine? Guess what, I am one of them! I scream when I am tired, frustrated, and impatient. I just want my kids to be calm, obedient, and programmed like robots. I don’t want to be bothered with their sibling rivalries and constant demands. Lockdown intensified my screaming problem, which made me live with daily guilt feelings. I want to change. When frustrated, I want to react in a way that sets a positive example for my children. I tested positive for COVID 19 on my 43rd birthday. The only good thing about my testing positive for COVID 19 was that I took my screaming issue seriously, despite the pain and fatigue that gave me every excuse to blow it.
The first thing I learned was that, parenting is not about the kids. It’s about parents. My kids needed their mom to focus on herself not on them all of the time. Previously, I believed two dangerous lies about my parenting role:
- I believed that once I had kids, my life would be essentially over. It became all about the kids! This is not right. I cannot orbit my whole life around them. Doing so resulted in self-centered and irresponsible children who expected their demands to be met instantaneously. Yes, my kids are a huge part of my life, but they are not my whole life.
- I believed that I am responsible for my kids. Because of that, I lead an anxious life trying to make them behave, think, and feel the right way at all times. I also couldn’t fail in my new identity as a mom. The freeing lesson I learned was that I am not responsible for them nor for their choices. I am, however, responsible for my kids for the choices that I make. It’s not about what I do to my kids to make them behave, but rather how I want to behave. This is a more productive question because, even if they don’t want to behave, I am the only one I am in control of. I’m not in control of them!
“In raising my children, I have lost my mind but found my soul.” – Lisa T. Shepherd, Parent
Parenting is really about my personal growth! Tune in next week as I discuss how changing set behaviors is hard especially for grown-ups.